Lifestyle

5 reasons why you should cut your own hair

Cutting own hair is not always a sign of mental wreck. Sane people do it too and and for a good reason. Five, to be exact.

britney-spears-shaved-head-701550

this has nothing to do with the five reasons, just is

 

1.  Save the equivalency of man hours needed to build condos on Mars

 

 

hairsalonwait

 

Going at a hair stylist naturally brings forth more problems than it dissolves. First of all, you need to make an appointment and match your daily schedule with the shop working hours. Once you get there, it’s far from over. You have to wait more, even if you showed up on time. Long hair dries up pretty slow and you always stumble upon clients who own a lion mane for a hair. So, you sit ans wait for the animal kingdom to do their thing and get the fuck out.

Truth is, for a simple thing like getting your hair shorter, you’d lose a day going through what commercials considers a proper hair care.

Ignore this propaganda and take matters into your hands.

 

2. Nobody else gets to touch you but you

 

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Most people are touchy so I’m assuming you are too. You like when you touch you. But you don’t like when other do. Feels as if you are being raped from the sure-feel sensation or running your fingers through you hair. You trusted this feeling will remain pleasurable throughout your whole life, only to realize there is a good chance you could get robbed by it.

The eternal damnation of a feel you could only feel after being massacred by a professional hairstylist and their hasty moves, trained on the teeming millions of subject who passed through their scissors-clutching hands. People who turned hair-cutting into a profession and gradually diminished this sacred ritual down to the level of cattle chores.

Your hair should be purged from filth, hence you reduce in size as means for last resort. Why so important?

Since I’m alsmost positive you never heard of it, so here it is: you can use hair to effectively scout around.

Once your shave your natural human receptors you are like a butterfly with burned out matchbox sticks for wings. We humans feel vibrations with our hair, same as insects use tiny receptor-like growths on the side of their limbs and head.

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Robbed of our sixth sense.

Normally, nobody would want their receptors being cut off by an un-endorsed third party, why would you? Think about it next time you decide to go to a hairstyle salon.

 

4. Black Magic Precaution

Hair saloons are lurking with voodoo people. Mhm.

If there is a ever a place where peeps would nick a piece of your hair and use it in soul burning rituals, that is the place. Once a decision to part with your hair made, for whatever insane reason, let that be done so that the fate of all the cut off hair pieces is known after the intervention. Personally dispose of, burn or treasure all the hair balls that resulted after the seance. Keep an eye of the hair stylist – some clever folk quickly broom off your precious DNA away from eyes in the midst of process. Look for it, never drag your eyes away from it.

Else you might  be a target practice for voodoo wanna-bees or ill spell casters.

No more sleepless nights or expensive curse reversals. The only way for someone to do black magic with your DNA would be you, and that’s only if you happen to be a voodoo boy/girl. So pretty low chances overall.

Let’s face it, your hair is the most accessible piece of your essence anyone can easily get their hands on simply by just following you around for 5 minutes, or visit the bathroom stall immediately after you left it..

toilet_stalker

 

4. The better you become the better it feels

[sociallocker] I’m going to call it a hair job, since you are not a hair stylist, and plus, cutting own hair does bring certain challenges. Like for example: making parts of your head accessible, especially to your off-hand.

Last time I did cut my hair, I went to see my mom afterwards, who by the way used to do my hair. Upon seeing my head she uttered something along the lines of ‘I want to strangle the guy who did this to you’. Little did she know…[/sociallocker]

I knew that the stylist and the subject are actually same person – me. But my mom didn’t and it was particularity interesting to see her reacting to an unexciting person.  Not sure if you read history, but sometimes wars were fought for the same reason.

I could have said I also hated whoever did this to me.

whats the worst that could happen

But I loved my haircut!

Cutting own hair is not easy, but the satisfaction from doing it is unachievable through legal means. I’d put it somewhere between rape of newborns and quitting job after telling your boss he can’t fire you, because you quit.

 

3. You already own all necessary tools

It’s not like you are doing a heart transplant, in which case you will need some grasps, clamps, occludes, rib cage spreader, a drill, stapler, scalpel and, depending on your budget, cutting laser guides and a laser. All these instruments are not part of the paraphernalia of a normal household.  Unlike what you really need:

yes, that's all you need

Scissors, sweat… time of death?

 

5. Improve your ambidexterity

Your right (or left) hand will have a hard time reaching some of the leftmost parts of your head and vice verso. Own haircut includes some tiny but tricky moves you need time and practice to get used to doing. All efforts and few hundred people’s massacred heads later, you will become a true master of preference:

 

Yes, the road to becoming a full god (from mere demi-god you used to be)

Demi-god!

 

 

3 Comments

  1. I can relate to this! I cut my own hair with a machine, and it feels great.

  2. cheap mini speedy louis vuitton says:

    I was wondering if you could help me?

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